documenting my mfa journey.

as impulsive as i am, i like having some sort of idea of what i’m getting myself into. i researched everything about calarts before applying and in the months leading toward my acceptance. i couldn’t find much online about current mfa students & their work and it only made me more anxious. “truly, what did i get myself into? will i fit into the program?”

i know there are people like me who want to know what their peers are doing, so to offset anyone else’s future panic attacks, i will try my best to keep this blog going with all of my in-progress updates and whathaveyou’s. something like the blog i had for my last year of my undergrad. it’s so great to have that to look back on. (i’ll even x-post to a blog on tumblr because why not?)

possibly still in shock?

it still doesn’t feel real & i haven’t had my, “holy shit!!” moment yet.

perhaps it’ll come after i’ve paid my enrollment fee?

NEW ADVENTURE: someone got into grad school (hint: it was me)

i was accepted into calarts’ mfa program in photography and media. it’s been two weeks and i haven’t fully processed any of it, but my closest friends and family are ecstatic, my mentors are overjoyed and no one is surprised i made it in. i’m sure it’ll hit me once i get my student id this summer, but until then you will probably find me repeating, “wow, i got into grad school!!!?” to myself.

i find it beyond inspiring that i applied to one program. which is APPARENTLY risky business. *twirls afro*

below the jump is my artist’s statement & portfolio.

snapshots from the last week.

 

this week i:
-worked
-had mini reunions
-drank a lot of coffee
-tried my best to keep things to myself.

Thursday 10.09.14 (a freewrite)

Thursday 10.09.14

12:13am

Lately I have been exhausted and feeling slightly triggered because I associate songs with memories and I’ll avoid certain songs to avoid certain memories. And yesterday I listened to “Closer” for the first time in a while and I thought about you and how we spent most of our time in my car dissecting every song that came on shuffle. And I thought of how we were inseparable and how I was never really home. And I thought of how my first time in Silver Lake was at a coffee shop with you and how I haven’t gone to that shop in years, fearing I’d bring back long forgotten feelings. And I smiled while listening to “Closer” because for the last 4 years, I have associated it with you. It wasn’t until last night when I was walking around Silver Lake and saw you. We made eye contact and I sort of stopped telling my story and in an instant, I thought about how funny it must be to be complete strangers. Instead of holding eye contact with you, I looked at my friend and finished my story. I almost stopped myself to tell him that you were someone from my past, but I didn’t. For the first time in years, I didn’t mention you to someone new and I think that was just my way of growing up.

So when I listen to “Closer,” I’ll remember driving to and from Hollywood. I’ll remember ignoring the red flags. I’ll remember the first of many failed relationships.

snapshots from a crazy week.

spent the week learning how to make latte art (slowly getting there), having heart-to-hearts in cars and crying at shows.

loving music (a free write)

i remember being 10 years old and so happy that i figured out the “new music tuesday” trend in music. i used to read the newspaper just for the arts and entertainment and i’d try and educate myself on things. soon after that i became the friend that “knew a lot about music” and i felt as though i had acquired this knowledge that my peers weren’t able to, even though they could have easily watched mtv, vh1 or opened a newspaper to know what i knew. i spent all of my free time learning about all of music, even though my sad heart felt at peace with suburban pop punk angst.

fast forward 15 years and i’m still amazed i can spot a trend in music before labels, major and independent, start marketing them. it’s not like i’m still reading the newspaper or magazines to catch these things, because i’m not. at most, i spend 10 or 15 minutes reading stories and then i’m done for the day. finding new music used to be something i made time for and now i’m lucky if i find a band a month to fall in love with. i used to never rely on friends telling me about bands because i loved the feeling of knowing i knew who they were first (what a snob, i know). now when i see that someone whose taste i respect is listening to something on spotify, i stop what i’m doing and listen to that song as well.

i miss being that excited 10-year-old or that anxious 14-year-old who told everyone what a concept album was before she knew how to use google to see if she were actually right. “it’s all a story! from start to finish! each song ties into the next! no i don’t know if this is true, but if you listen you can see that it might be!”

sleeping outside.

remembering walking around the pond in indiana with maddie and looking up and seeing the stars, talking about the 4th of july and how fun it’d be to celebrate it in canada. i’m remembering her telling me the stories of her camping with her family. and i’m remembering telling her i’ve never gone camping and she insisted i visit denver as soon as i can so we can fall asleep underneath the stars.

i want to fall asleep outside right now. the weather right now feels like the weather in indiana and it’s making me wish i were camping with my faraway friend.

my first missed connection:

in my early 20s, i used to read the missed connections section of craigslist and i found a lot of them sweet and sincere. it was also a thing i did with a former friend, pretending we were the ladies these guys were speaking of. i was also a different person in my early 20s, so i don’t think i ever left a positive impression on a lot of people.

recent snaps from my iphone 5s

25 has been eventful thus far.