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I remember when I first came back home for break. It was the winter of 2010 and my friends all asked me, with a slight twinkle in their eye, how Portland was. This was before Portlandia and before Portland was on anyone’s radar and I remember telling all of them that I hated the city and didn’t feel like i fit in with whatever it was art school was teaching me.
“How long are you in town for?”
“Mid-January.”
“And then?
“Well, I graduate in December 2013, so I won’t be home for good until then.”

And the small talk always started and ended with that. I’d always give my sad sob story of how I’ll only be in town for a split second and how I’m going to try my best to stay positive while away. Now that I’m almost done with my time in school, every part of me is leaping with joy that I can say, “I’ll be moving back in with my parents in a few months!” and it not feel like a distant dream.

I’ve tried to give Portland a chance and though there are parts I miss when I’m away, nothing holds my heart more than what I miss about Los Angeles. It’s like…Portland is the insecure boyfriend you used to date and though there was something about him that made you smile, the fact that he constantly doubted himself and didn’t push himself made you feel like you were wasting your time.
Los Angeles is the strong and ambitious dude you saw at a show who seemed arrogant, because he is, but everything about him intrigued you. Then you learned his story and understood why he’s arrogant and it made you respect him.

Now you’re torn between the sweet, but insecure dude who makes you smile and the arrogant and ambitious dude who keeps you on your toes.

I don’t know about you, but I’d rather be with someone who knew what they wanted and didn’t just float by life doubting.

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