the pour

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this time last year i started going to sisters coffee in the pearl and i’d watch the baristas pour the steamed milk over espresso shots. i remember thinking, “wow. even though there are at least 3 people in front of me waiting for their drinks, this barista is taking his time.” and he’d make little hearts in everyone’s drinks. there wasn’t a rush, no one was complaining about waiting and i keep that in mind while working at my current shop. though making a heart or spade or tulip or whatever isn’t important because that doesn’t mean i pulled a perfect shot, making each drink with love is.

yesterday i stopped rushing drinks and it was then when i was able to make hearts.

Thursday 10.09.14 (a freewrite)

Thursday 10.09.14

12:13am

Lately I have been exhausted and feeling slightly triggered because I associate songs with memories and I’ll avoid certain songs to avoid certain memories. And yesterday I listened to “Closer” for the first time in a while and I thought about you and how we spent most of our time in my car dissecting every song that came on shuffle. And I thought of how we were inseparable and how I was never really home. And I thought of how my first time in Silver Lake was at a coffee shop with you and how I haven’t gone to that shop in years, fearing I’d bring back long forgotten feelings. And I smiled while listening to “Closer” because for the last 4 years, I have associated it with you. It wasn’t until last night when I was walking around Silver Lake and saw you. We made eye contact and I sort of stopped telling my story and in an instant, I thought about how funny it must be to be complete strangers. Instead of holding eye contact with you, I looked at my friend and finished my story. I almost stopped myself to tell him that you were someone from my past, but I didn’t. For the first time in years, I didn’t mention you to someone new and I think that was just my way of growing up.

So when I listen to “Closer,” I’ll remember driving to and from Hollywood. I’ll remember ignoring the red flags. I’ll remember the first of many failed relationships.

loving music (a free write)

i remember being 10 years old and so happy that i figured out the “new music tuesday” trend in music. i used to read the newspaper just for the arts and entertainment and i’d try and educate myself on things. soon after that i became the friend that “knew a lot about music” and i felt as though i had acquired this knowledge that my peers weren’t able to, even though they could have easily watched mtv, vh1 or opened a newspaper to know what i knew. i spent all of my free time learning about all of music, even though my sad heart felt at peace with suburban pop punk angst.

fast forward 15 years and i’m still amazed i can spot a trend in music before labels, major and independent, start marketing them. it’s not like i’m still reading the newspaper or magazines to catch these things, because i’m not. at most, i spend 10 or 15 minutes reading stories and then i’m done for the day. finding new music used to be something i made time for and now i’m lucky if i find a band a month to fall in love with. i used to never rely on friends telling me about bands because i loved the feeling of knowing i knew who they were first (what a snob, i know). now when i see that someone whose taste i respect is listening to something on spotify, i stop what i’m doing and listen to that song as well.

i miss being that excited 10-year-old or that anxious 14-year-old who told everyone what a concept album was before she knew how to use google to see if she were actually right. “it’s all a story! from start to finish! each song ties into the next! no i don’t know if this is true, but if you listen you can see that it might be!”

sleeping outside.

remembering walking around the pond in indiana with maddie and looking up and seeing the stars, talking about the 4th of july and how fun it’d be to celebrate it in canada. i’m remembering her telling me the stories of her camping with her family. and i’m remembering telling her i’ve never gone camping and she insisted i visit denver as soon as i can so we can fall asleep underneath the stars.

i want to fall asleep outside right now. the weather right now feels like the weather in indiana and it’s making me wish i were camping with my faraway friend.

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